A Secret to Creating a Lifelong Close Relationship with your Child (Part 3)

Giving Your Child Your Time

          Time is very precious and most people do not have enough due to busy schedules. As you make choices as to how to use your time, keep in mind: Your children will grow up with you or without you. There is no pause button in life.

         I know a business woman in Hanoi who while her children were still very small made the decision to invest time into her children. The choice she made was intentional. Rather than filling up her schedule with business appointments and meeting with friends, she decided that she would create her schedule based on her children’s schedule. When her children were young, she came home at the time her children came home from school. She also kept her weekends free of business activities so that she had time to spend with her children. By making these and similar choices, she enjoys a closer relationship with them today and, knowing her, I don’t think she would have done things differently. She has no regrets regarding the time she has given to her children while they were young and needed her the most.

           Last year I almost failed regarding giving time to my middle child. My daughter was busy getting ready for her school’s art exhibition. She had created a lovely piece of artwork for the show. In her picture there were a lot of small detailed patterns that she had to create and color in. Because time was short she asked me to help her do some of the coloring in. She asked me to help her when it was late. I was tired and said, “No.” She was disappointed. In thinking about her situation the next morning, however, I realized that I missed an opportunity to help my daughter in her need and to give her my time. I decided that if she wasn’t finished, I would offer to help her finish the job. As we drove to school that morning I asked her about her progress. She said that she wasn’t finished yet. I then offered to help her that evening if she still wanted my help. She did. We were both very happy. She was happy that I offered to help and I was happy that she didn’t reject my offer after being hurt the night before.

           In America, there is a well-known book called the One-Minute Father. It is written for dads who don’t have much time for their children. The book offers suggestions on how to maximize the little time they do have to give their children. The emphasis is on how to spend quality time with their children during the few moments they have. In referring to this book, another author, said that “there is no way to have quality time with your children without having a certain amount of quantity time.” I think he is right. Both are necessary if you are going to have a close relationship. It takes time to ride bikes. It takes time to read stories. It takes time to make cookies.

          Do you give your children your time? In what ways? Can you share with others stories about how you gave the gift of time to your children? The more stories you have, the closer your ties will be.

          Blessings,

Darren Czeczuga.

Educational Consultant